To Make Up for Lost Time
Emergence
In 2023, one particular occasion gave me the epiphany that I was no longer depressed, and I am forever grateful for that moment.
From then on, my mode of thinking remained the same functionally, but I’ve adjusted to focusing on different outputs.
I get lost in thought. Ruminations, sentimentality, and the illusions of a perfect reality.
No matter how far my mind wanders, it perceives a world that my eyes are oblivious to, but yearn to see. The hypotheticals, super-hero scenarios, and what-could-be.
It can be awful, but output is of utmost importance here. Do I wallow in self-pity as I reminsice on days past, or should I leverage the past for my own benefit? I find that memories leave me with wanting more.
More opportunities. More knowledge. More projects. More work. More memories worth reminiscing.
Nostalgia is a privilege earned by time and consciousness. If you can reminisce, then you have lived well. If you have lived well, then you have the capacity to move forward. It is a cycle that can only be maintained in the pursuit of more.
It isn’t without its caveats. This pursuit could either yield an obsession or an inclination to act upon achieving more. Consider a person seeking knowledge. They can either be inclined to study a particular topic, learn about it in great depth, and act upon it if doing so is good for them. On the other hand, they may grow obsessed with the idea of amassing knowledge and only learn a vast catalog of information with surface-level understanding. Which one would yield the more reliable seeker? It would be unsurprising for many to think that the person who knows about a variety of topics is more reliable, applying the principle that more is better.
The pursuit of more is a tug of war between hedonism and a better life.
Fiery Ambitions
In Islam, there is a term called ‘ihsan, which is the highest degree of faith.
I view ‘ihsan as faith driven by lofty ambitions (correct me if my line of thinking is wrong). It is striving for excellence in everything we do, to be truly God-conscious. It is the acknowledgment that your past must be honored by your progress. You cannot achieve excellence if you continue to define yourself by past sins and successes, and not by what you are progressing towards. And to truly be great, this progress should extend beyond the self. It has to be visible in servitude to God, to yourself, and to your community. Alone, you cannot be great.
Muslims consider themselves to be travelers of this world. Travelers leave footprints, stories, and goods behind as they continue on their journey. We are designated to travel by the condition of existing. If you exist, you travel. We will have our stories to tell, our goods to give, and our tracks for others to follow. The greatest travelers, the ones who achieve ‘ihsan, leave the most behind.
Awake and Dissonant
We’ve become so self-aware that sincerity has become a lost art. We no longer express what is deeply in us, in fear that we may be the visible guest in someone else’s story. Whoever is reading this, have you become a guest to your own heart? Does it know you exist? Do you deny yourself of yourself? Are you capable of your own thoughts, or are you the amalgamation of an algorithmic perversion that blurs the line between empathy and apathy?
The grand buffet of sauteed silicon and marinated models seduce what remain of your peripheral taste buds. In its grandiosity, you rob yourself of a moment. In silence and boredom can the moment be claimed. In sincerity and ego can the self be known.
I spew nonsense to make it clear that my mind can speak. I would rather my thoughts be incoherent if they are still mine. I would rather not be the air that passes in a putrid echo chamber. Sincerity calls for nuance and a conversation worth having.
Come to Success
I say all this to point out the obvious: take care of yourself. Don’t neglect the body that was given to you. We are meant to nurture ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually at all times. It would be disgraceful to violate the vessel that God has entrusted you with.
Exploitative productivity gurus will convince you that you can achieve your goals by buying their books or courses. Intellectualizing hard work is a worthless endeavor only designed to delude vulnerable individuals into thinking they can only become successful by implementing systems with catchy names coined by the authors.
The path to success is action. If you stop doing, then you will not progress. Hard work is the byproduct of acting consistently. Hard work is the only guarantor of success within your own abilities. You will go nowhere if you are just waiting idly by for the perfect conditions, as they will never come. The rest of the world will move on while you wait for those conditions.
In the advent of AI and the complacency of incompetent leaders, pessimism is at an all-time high. While understandable, it is a net negative for you and the collective. Should you hold an ounce of optimism for what’s to come, you can propel yourself far ahead of others. Preparation is a necessity, and it can only be achieved in doing. You can only prepare if you have the mental fortitude for it. You keep yourself in a hole if you already believe all is lost.
Good company is also a non-negotiable. The power of friendship is real, our hyperproductive slop-posting pals on LinkedIn call it networking.
I talk like I have everything figured out. Far from it. All of my experiences have only affirmed where my contentment stands. I can only be content when I know that I am actively working to get the things that I want in life. The pursuit of my ambitions started yesterday, I just have to make sure I continue pursuing them today.
Yearly Forecast
I’ll continue building Khidma. I’ll be writing in this blog. I’ll continue working towards improving my health and physique. I’ll continue learning more of Islam. I’ll continue building the life that I want, so long as it is good for me.
Despite the title, time was never lost. My inner self is inclined to believe that I am making up for some fictional loss that occurred years prior, as if I am redeeming myself. The reality is that those years were piecing me together to be here, and those years were necessary. Time was, and still is, running its course to get me here.
الحمد لله